Completely Off Topic Post, Mostly About Dreams

I've been feeling almost obnoxiously happy the last couple of days. I was a little down all throughout last fall/winter, but I think I needed that time to sort things out in my mind. Now that I've really thought things out, and more importantly, made some decisions about things, I feel so much more free. Life is a lot clearer now, and I'm a lot happier because of it.

I usually don't hold a lot of stock in dream analysis. I don't believe dreams can predict the future or see into another world/life or anything like that. What I do believe is that the brain uses your dream time to reflect on your life and your current psychological and emotional state.

Lately, I've been dreaming often that I'm pregnant. At first, there was a little shame in the dreams, as would probably happen if I was really pregnant now, while in college. But after the first dream or two, there was no longer any shame or embarrassment about my pregnancy in the dream. In fact, last night, I dreamt that, while some bad people were trying to chase me and hurt me and my future child, there were so many others (I clearly saw the faces of friends, family that cared about me) that helped me. They hid me, took care of me, chased away the bad guys. I had this feeling that everyone was watching out for me, and everyone wanted me and my baby to do well. In past dreams, I was pregnant and woke up before I gave birth, but this time, I gave birth to twins. I even went shopping for baby food with my mom.

I was looking up pregnancy symbolism in dreams, and apparently dreaming you're pregnant usually means you're thinking of a new project, a new goal, a new way of thinking or something. Something new. Something good. I know it sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I'm taking it as a good sign. Especially because in this latest dream, everyone around was so supportive, and the idea/lifestyle/goal/whatever I gave birth to was healthy and happy and continued to get support from the people around me.

Suffice it to say that I am out of that black funk I was in for a while. I've been gradually feeling better, and now I am actually very happy.

I Love Tae Bo

Tae Bo is a great workout, as I've written about before. It's fun, fast-paced and with lots of different moves. I went again today, but I wasn't as big a fan of this instructor as I was of the on we had last time. Why?

SUICIDES! Also called "killers," the race to the line and back, and to the next line, and back, in basketball courts. I hated them in PE class in middle/high school, and I hate them now. So. Much. Hate.

But it was a good workout anyway. Did a bit of bicycling and rowing as well. So, yay for exercise today. Boo for eating, as someone gave me a bag of homemade sugar cookies. With frosting! And sprinkles! It's times like those that I regret making friends with people who like to cook/bake. Haha

They tried to make me go to the gym, but I said...

I think people need to stop saying "They tried to make me go to ______ but I said no, no, no." It's like adding "ella ella eh eh eh" whenever someone says the word "umbrellla."

In other news, I did not work out today. I also ate a lot. Not obscenely much, but more than necessary. And I feel full and gross.

Which is why you should keep a healthy diet and exercise, kids.

Bikinis for Breasts

So today I get the news that one of my friends is competing in a contest to secure a place in a bikini calendar featuring college girls. The contest/calendar sales are also benefiting breast cancer, hence the title of this post. (I don't want to see the google keywords for this blog tomorrow!)

I think it's a good cause, and I'm glad that she's proud of her body, but I really didn't expect this of her. She's a good student, ambitious, dedicated. She does all sorts of activities and is trying for law school next year. The contest asks viewers to grade the girls on 3 factors: beauty (via a picture of them in a bikini), brains (via a written statement about themselves), and personality (via a short video). Yeah, there's a category for smarts, but that's like saying the Miss America pageant is a scholarship contest.

I don't know what to think. Of course, I support her, and really she's not that close a friend that I know why she's doing it, but still. Maybe I'm just not as post-feminist as I thought.

OK, and maybe I secretly wish that I could be as proud of my own shape in a bikini as she is, and this jealousy is making me look down on the contest.

Who knows?

Like Lazarus Resurected

I don't know why, but that title makes me think automatically of Amy Winehouse's dedication at the Grammy's: "To my Blake, incarcerated." Serving jail time is no laughing matter, but ok, it sort of is when ridiculous celebrities are involved.

Sometimes I envy the thin, pretty girls you see in the tabloids and on TV. But then you find out about their twisted lives and various disorders, and it isn't quite so glamorous anymore.

We're all trying to lose weight, but I don't think anyone wants to get as thin as Amy Winehouse or Mary-Kate Olsen. Even Keira Knightley or Natalie Portman. If I could have the same body as any star, it'd be someone like Scarlett Johansen or Jessica Biel, Scarlett because she's a healthy weight and curvy (naturally), and Jessica because her body is rock-hard and strong, not stick-thin. Or maybe Madonna when I'm older, although I doubt I'll ever be able to dedicate as much of my life to healthy eating and exercise as she apparently does. (Did everyone hear how she bought the mansion next to hers in London and converted it into her private gym?)

Anyway, enough with the goss. In NSSL news, it's true. I'm back to trying to eat less, exercise more, and lose weight. And why?

Because of terrible news. As of yesterday's meeting with the home scale, I apparently weigh 167 pounds. My "resting" weight, if you will, is generally at 160, but during the holiday season, I gained about five pounds, and they haven't gone away. In fact, they've picked up a few friends to come along.

It's not just the scale. My shirts feel tighter. My pants are getting harder to button (I hate that!). I was getting out of breath more when walking up long flights of stairs or during the trek to and from class.

So as of last week, I'm back on the wagon. So far, it's not much. I just do some basic calisthenics (maybe 20-30 min) most nights, and I went to the gym twice last week, although both for long sessions. Went home for the weekend, overate a bit, but not as much as I could have, so it's a wash there.

For exercise, I've been doing a combination of cardio machines and classes. For cardio, I still love the rowing machine. It's my favorite since it's not hard on the knees and you get a more full-body workout. I usually do a few minutes on the stairmaster, but that always kills me. Sometimes I do the elliptical, sometimes treadmill, but to be honest, I don't enjoy running. I enjoy exercise, but I guess I'm a bit lazy with it, as I don't like to be physically on my feet the whole time. I also get bored easily, which is why I love the row of bikes in the front of the gym. Each have their own personal TV with cable, and the two upright ones are almost never taken. I can do an hour or more on those easy, just flipping through channels or reading a book.

Machine workouts are great, but I have to be honest, I'm not the most motivated or disciplined person in the world. (Evidence: 7 extra pounds!) Classes force me to work out, if only not too look stupid in front of the other people in the class. I've done the basic aerobics classes and they're fine, if a little unexciting. I've been trying hip hop the past month and it's...all right. I have learned that I have pretty much no kinetic memory. The class is huge, so it's not noticeable when I fall a little behind, so it's still fun.

My favorite new discovery this month, though, has been TAE BO! I love, love, love this class! It's fast-paced and you keep moving and doing different things, so you don't get the chance to be bored. The moves are fun to do, and I like to channel my aggression in the punches and kicks to "imaginary targets." Yes, I get pretty tired by the end, but I almost don't notice the time as it passes by, it's that fun.

I'm glad I tried something new, and I'm glad I'm back to the old grind. I've come to realize that maybe I will never be really "thin," whatever that means. But I can be healthy. That's easily doable, and there's no reason not to start now.