I'm Back...Again. Why I Didn't Post Before.

So I'm back to school and back to trying to lose weight and be healthy and get fit and all that stuff in the title box. It hasn't gone so well.

Over Spring Break, I gained a few pounds pushing me to 155/156 border. My low weight before that was 151. And ok, it wasn't really just that one week. It was that one week plus two or so weeks without exercise and one or more weeks of unhealthy eating. So it makes sense.

I ate through the stress at the end of the quarter, fretting about my grades and finals. And I'm still not too happy with my grades. I have a little higher than a B average right now, which sure is passing, but it's not going to get me to the "good" grad schools. I was eating a tub of tapioca pudding (don't worry, not literally) when I realized that it's the same perfectionism that makes me upset about a B that makes me mess up my own weight loss.

I see this again and again on other people's blogs. From reading so many of yours, I've concluded that, while some overweight people may just be lazy and slackerish, many of us are actually fairly successful in other facets of life. But because we want to be perfect, one small mistake will throw us completely off course and the unhappiness over that mistake often results in binges or other negative behavior that just worsens the damage and makes everything worse.

However, that's not why I haven't posted for so long. I think I've gotten past that perfectionist streak and really, I started using it as an excuse. "Oh, it's ok to overeat today. It's just one day. I don't have to be perfect after all!" Which is great every once in a while, but really probably shouldn't be used every single day. Which is what I have been doing. Which is why I haven't gone back to exercise or eating healthy yet. Which is, finally, why I didn't post.

I'm sure all you bloggers understand. Posting in a blog is a form of accountability, not just to yourself but to other people. And yeah, no one cares about your weight loss as much as yourself, but you still don't want to admit that you ate an entire box of Kashi Tasty Little Crackers last night in one sitting. (But they're healthy!)

So I think I have to keep posting, if only because it forces me to objectively look at my eating/exercise behavior. I guess it's off to the gym for me now!